So, I wake up today, and my mom tells me she saw my Youtube videos. If you don't know by now, I have comedy videos on Youtube. Anything from play-on skits to short rants full of censored raunchiness. I enjoy making people laugh, and I always come up with ideas for comedies, so I figured I'd try them on Youtube and see where it gets me. I mean, at the end of the day, it's comedy. It's just fun and jokes. I like to enjoy life, or, rather, I WANT to enjoy life. Now, mind you, my mother is a "holier than thou" Christian. Not only that, but an Extremist, and of course, the cliche`, contradicting, hypocrite Christian. My whole life she's done nothing, but criticize me (Like Christians), denounce me in the "name of Jesus" (Like Christians), attempt to point out my flaws and knowingly deny her own (Like Christians) and so forth. Not once has she actually been a "mother" to me, besides times when she was actually cool, and when she wanted something from me. All my life, all she ever did was build me up, and break me down. As if I'm a human construction site, for her to send her wrecking ball of wrath and discontent with life at. She's always treated me like crap, and at one point, I had to accept that, that's how it's going to be for the rest of my life. Or, until I can escape this mental prison. She's manipulated me, with dreams, and high hopes; Fallacies that would never become true. I am nothing more than a puppet, that knows the truth behind her actions, but due to unfortunate situations and circumstances, I have no choice but to unwillingly abide by them. For years, it's been the same cycle. Her abusing me, and kicking me out. Yes, I was abused as a child. There is a difference between discipline, and outright abuse. I was taken from her when I was one, due to negligence. I have many stories, like the one time she chased me all around the city, and I had nothing on but shorts, a shirt, and socks. Not even shoes on my feet. Laying in a cold puddle, late at night, crying myself to sleep, because she put me out. All of the times, I ran to the police station, battered and bruised, and she coaxed the officers into an apocryphal saga about how much she does for me, and they put me right BACK in the home. All of the times she told me I was going to a shelter. I know what you're thinking. "Well, what did YOU do?". I can only say this: My mother is a person who isn't pleased with anything. It's too hot, it's too cold, it's too much a little of both (Lukewarm). She is one of the many people, who like to nitpick, and complain just because they apparently love to hear themselves talk, or they feel the need to judge people, to make them feel better about themselves. She says she is a Christian, and a worshiper of the father. What father? Satan? Ha! She's one of those close-minded Christians who treat people any kind of way, and then tries to outweigh it with "good deeds" and a redemption prayer at the end of the day. She will treat a person on the streets better than me. She only does good things because of her fear of damnation and wreckage. If there were no ramifications for doing what you want, I'd doubt she'd do half of the things she does. Why does she hate me so much?
I never had my father, or a father figure around. No older brothers, no one to look to for guidance and/or consolation.
Sunday, December 1, 2019
MMA & Hot Chocha
So after I played some vigorous matches of Yugioh! Decade Duels on XBOX, I fell asleep in my queen sized bed, a realer nigga than I was the previous night. Anyways, I'm a real nigga, so I don't dream, I just wake up and CAKE UP, but I decided to put my brain on "pilot" mood, and let it have a couple minutes of recess, ya' heard me.
I dreamed I was at a college. In Brooklyn. No, it wasn't LIU, BK College, Kingsborough, SVU, etc etc. It was just a college. Anyways, I hit up these girls, and they were going to come through. I had pulled some on campus, and then I hit up this OTHER chick that wanted to chill with me, and told her to come through. This was around, 11pm. Anyways, I left the dorm for whatever reason, and I could NOT find my way back to my room. At one point, I went into the wrong room, and took the hard drive out of this TV box or something for whatever reasons. The White dude was like "Yo, that's mine!", and I replied "So? You can't beat me" and walked away. THEN, I went into ANOTHER room, took another one, and some White dude with a girl came in, and he was like ".....Wassup", to which I replied "What's good", and then left as they looked at me like "WTF.....".
Anyways, I ended up going ALL OVER the school, from the bottom to the top, and I could not find the dorms! I went outside, and saw that my aunt's van was crashed into another car, so I tried to call my mom (We're holding the van right now), but she wouldn't answer. Then I saw a crowd, and some big dude beating the crap out of some other dude. Then he was like "Who wants some? You!?" and ran after me, and I ran LMAO. I'm not too proud of it, cause I'm a real nigga, but I wasn't trying to fight in a dream. Any nigga that fights in dreams don't care whether he lives or dies, and doesn't have a father around.
I dreamed I was at a college. In Brooklyn. No, it wasn't LIU, BK College, Kingsborough, SVU, etc etc. It was just a college. Anyways, I hit up these girls, and they were going to come through. I had pulled some on campus, and then I hit up this OTHER chick that wanted to chill with me, and told her to come through. This was around, 11pm. Anyways, I left the dorm for whatever reason, and I could NOT find my way back to my room. At one point, I went into the wrong room, and took the hard drive out of this TV box or something for whatever reasons. The White dude was like "Yo, that's mine!", and I replied "So? You can't beat me" and walked away. THEN, I went into ANOTHER room, took another one, and some White dude with a girl came in, and he was like ".....Wassup", to which I replied "What's good", and then left as they looked at me like "WTF.....".
Anyways, I ended up going ALL OVER the school, from the bottom to the top, and I could not find the dorms! I went outside, and saw that my aunt's van was crashed into another car, so I tried to call my mom (We're holding the van right now), but she wouldn't answer. Then I saw a crowd, and some big dude beating the crap out of some other dude. Then he was like "Who wants some? You!?" and ran after me, and I ran LMAO. I'm not too proud of it, cause I'm a real nigga, but I wasn't trying to fight in a dream. Any nigga that fights in dreams don't care whether he lives or dies, and doesn't have a father around.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Fuck Life Vol. I
I just want to let it be known, that besides the vulgar language of this title, I do not curse in common conversation during every day life, nor do I encourage the usage of profanity. Actually, profanity makes me feel uncomfortable, and I want to change the curse words in this blog, but I will not, I can't, I REFUSE!
Yea.....I'll probably end up doing it 72 hours from now.
Fuck life.
What's pissing me off today? Fake people. People who act like they care about you, but don't want to be bothered with you. Or rather, I should say, people-that-care-about-you-from-a-DISTANCE. Prime example: My mother and my baby cousin. We have not seen her for 6 months, since her father, my uncle, was trying to seclude her from us, and her mother did no better, because she goes wherever the money is. On top of that, she's a ratchet, pathological liar who is the type to blaze while my 4 year old cousin is in the next room. She's a sorry excuse for a mother, and my uncle is no better. He's been in and out of prison so many times, he can't tell if he's free or still locked up. Mind you, WE took care of her for 2 years, while both of those ex-cons served time, and this is how he shows his gratuity. This is why I don't talk to niggas if they served more than one year.
Fuck that.
My mom acted all happy to see my cousin, after "I" continuously called, weekend after weekend, trying to get her. I finally drove up there, and her mother so happened to be outside, and I pressed her about it. I was able to pick up my cousin the next day. A week later, after this situation was an obvious exhibition of "Don't take life for granted", here comes my mom with the bullshit. First it's hug-and-kisses-I-love-you-you're-my-baby-forever, and now it's oh-you-wanted-her-down-here-so-you-go-get-her-something-to-eat. Her justification? I've been watching her lately. Mind you, I've watched her the last two days, including last week, where I missed 3-4 days in the gym watching her. Which I didn't MIND, because I'm not going to put weights over someone I love with everything. Well, I had to drop her off tonight, and then my mom is "When-do-you-wanna-come-back-down-I'll-pick-you-up". My cousin said tomorrow, and my mom told her to call her. As bad as this seems, I told my cousin on the ride there that my mom wasn't going to pick her up, and doesn't love her like she says. I also told her my mom wasn't going to change my room into hers when I move out. She's just lying to her. My cousin loves my mom, so of course, she said I was "nervous" because her and my mom was a family lmao.
I just don't like to see people sold dreams, especially little kids, because they don't know any better to question it. They'll just believe it. Who knows if my mom will pick her up, but I do know one thing: Every man for himself.
I really, really want to look out for my mom, and put her on when I achieve success, but things like THIS, is what makes me want to leave her in section 8 housing, still trying to fight for justice, for the city, with the other ass-backwards revolutionists who protest the wrong things.
Who has family members that would rather take care of the fruit growing off of the tree, than than the actual family tree itself?
Fuck ya'll.
- Dreadful
R.I.P. To Ajayi Hollins.
Yea.....I'll probably end up doing it 72 hours from now.
Fuck life.
What's pissing me off today? Fake people. People who act like they care about you, but don't want to be bothered with you. Or rather, I should say, people-that-care-about-you-from-a-DISTANCE. Prime example: My mother and my baby cousin. We have not seen her for 6 months, since her father, my uncle, was trying to seclude her from us, and her mother did no better, because she goes wherever the money is. On top of that, she's a ratchet, pathological liar who is the type to blaze while my 4 year old cousin is in the next room. She's a sorry excuse for a mother, and my uncle is no better. He's been in and out of prison so many times, he can't tell if he's free or still locked up. Mind you, WE took care of her for 2 years, while both of those ex-cons served time, and this is how he shows his gratuity. This is why I don't talk to niggas if they served more than one year.
Fuck that.
My mom acted all happy to see my cousin, after "I" continuously called, weekend after weekend, trying to get her. I finally drove up there, and her mother so happened to be outside, and I pressed her about it. I was able to pick up my cousin the next day. A week later, after this situation was an obvious exhibition of "Don't take life for granted", here comes my mom with the bullshit. First it's hug-and-kisses-I-love-you-you're-my-baby-forever, and now it's oh-you-wanted-her-down-here-so-you-go-get-her-something-to-eat. Her justification? I've been watching her lately. Mind you, I've watched her the last two days, including last week, where I missed 3-4 days in the gym watching her. Which I didn't MIND, because I'm not going to put weights over someone I love with everything. Well, I had to drop her off tonight, and then my mom is "When-do-you-wanna-come-back-down-I'll-pick-you-up". My cousin said tomorrow, and my mom told her to call her. As bad as this seems, I told my cousin on the ride there that my mom wasn't going to pick her up, and doesn't love her like she says. I also told her my mom wasn't going to change my room into hers when I move out. She's just lying to her. My cousin loves my mom, so of course, she said I was "nervous" because her and my mom was a family lmao.
I just don't like to see people sold dreams, especially little kids, because they don't know any better to question it. They'll just believe it. Who knows if my mom will pick her up, but I do know one thing: Every man for himself.
I really, really want to look out for my mom, and put her on when I achieve success, but things like THIS, is what makes me want to leave her in section 8 housing, still trying to fight for justice, for the city, with the other ass-backwards revolutionists who protest the wrong things.
Who has family members that would rather take care of the fruit growing off of the tree, than than the actual family tree itself?
Fuck ya'll.
- Dreadful
August 2010
R.I.P. To Ajayi Hollins.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
I NEED ALL OF MY SUPPORTERS HELP!
PLEASE HELP ME TO GET CANON REBEL T3i! My current camcorder is falling apart slowly but surely, and I really don't have the money to afford a new camera. I would like to get a better one this time.
I know none of you know me, or even know me enough to care about my problems, as I'm sure you have your own, but PLEASE donate if you can. Whether it's $1, or $100. Every cent counts, and I'm thankful for those who help others, nor will I forget those who have helped me. I have the tools to make it, I just need the SUPPORT. You guys know I love you all, and I have never treated you like outsiders, or made you feel unimportant. I always tell EVERY person "Thank you" that subscribes, and I always encourage them to contact me if they have any questions, or just need advice. A couple of you have even came to me with questions.
If you have anything to donate, please feel free to do so. Also, please contact me and let me know who you are (and how much you donated if you want). I want to be able to hook you guys up when I do make it. I appreciate you guys, and thank you for reading this, whether you donated or not.
I know none of you know me, or even know me enough to care about my problems, as I'm sure you have your own, but PLEASE donate if you can. Whether it's $1, or $100. Every cent counts, and I'm thankful for those who help others, nor will I forget those who have helped me. I have the tools to make it, I just need the SUPPORT. You guys know I love you all, and I have never treated you like outsiders, or made you feel unimportant. I always tell EVERY person "Thank you" that subscribes, and I always encourage them to contact me if they have any questions, or just need advice. A couple of you have even came to me with questions.
If you have anything to donate, please feel free to do so. Also, please contact me and let me know who you are (and how much you donated if you want). I want to be able to hook you guys up when I do make it. I appreciate you guys, and thank you for reading this, whether you donated or not.
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